Every girl desires to be sexy, slim and be wanted by men. Me? I don't because it was not with men I wanted to be accepted for... It was with a girl. I used to weigh 121 pounds/55 kilos 6 yrs ago. My mouth was like a trash bin of food. I am hungry as hell and doesn't care much of how I looked like even though the world is teasing me how ugly fat swan I was.
T'was in my late teens when love bumped in. I am a late bloomer and I don't really entertain love as the subject during my high school days but rather books and anxieties of how my future picture would be. Suddenly, my world turned upside down when I met this girl who turned out to be my best friend. She was different in a sense that instead of sharing love,petty,sweet-nothing-stories about guys, she shares how she makes out with girls. I was like educated that the world of twisted females was ever existed. That, girls can be in a relationship with the same sex and fell in-love regardless if both of them wore skirts and kiss at the same time. It was against the societies norms and standards, I know. But to me, I find that world fascinating...
I go out with the same flock of psycho. I learned how to drink, sneaked out of the night, ghost hunting every summer, videoke till dawn, clubbing all night, party crashing, ride a speedy motor bike with her, laugh and have fun with the rest of the girls with the mind as dirty as boys. I was surrounded with couple of the same sex while my best friend and I were occupied with our separate curious lives.
It was one summer evening when she asked me to go overnight at their family owned resort in Magallanes. Later before that, my "lessy" friends as I called them were teasing us while clueless of what is really going on. It felt awkward when at the very first time she looked at my eyes with so much emotions. Facing at me while her arms clung trying to figure out what to spit out of her mouth. I just burst into laughters to escape from that of like sentenced criminal situation.
Next thing we know, we found ourselves sitting next to the waves underneath the gloomy night sharing a glass of wine. It was a different excitement after touching her lips for the very first time. As if the world means so much to us and nothing or no one could break us apart.
Months had passed, I had to leave her because I had to do my practicum. I became so tied up not having enough of our time. Our closeness starts to tear apart while she was also acting differently. Every second that we spent time together was purely exchange of unpleasant words.
I started to become conscious of my figure when she was starting to tease my "siopao" face. It weren't a big deal before but as she kept on repeating it straight to my face. It seems that I am stabbed with a bunch of dagger at once! I skipped meals then, trying to fool myself with so many things just to suppress my hunger. I do take straight meals though but after my stomach is full I became guilty and stroke it using my hands or while brushing my teeth just to let the waste out.
I started to feel very insecure of myself. I lost my confidence and became bitter to every girls with great body. For me, being thin is the most vital thing on earth! It means your worth, it means your sense of belongingness, it means acceptance of her love.. But everything I did was nothing! Exercise, emotional turmoil, hunger, resulted nothing! We got separated...
Trying to move on from a heart-breaking-relationship while loosing my best friend at the same time was so much for me to take. I did not stop searching the cure of my problem until my friend during my call center training days introduced me this herbal medicine called Zhen de shou. A fat loss capsule from China that is taken orally once a day and 10-15 minutes before breakfast.
I religiously took the medicine for 2 months and cut the intake when I got my desired weight at 45. For me it was totally effective! I can wear what I want and built my confidence back but not her...
They say, once you broke a mirror it can never be waived to pieces again. I say, why settle for that mirror when it was already broken? Find and replace another mirror to start a new life!
It's almost 6 years now being sick and sometimes anorexic. I can't help the feeling of being afraid to be back of my old body. But yes, maybe slim and slender is fancy and ideal in this foolish world. But to have a healthy body, away from sickness, is something more important than the fancy clothes we wear.
How much you weight will no longer matter once you see yourself diagnosed in the hospital so I am trying to commit on living a healthy life now. I am not taking the slimming pill for almost 5 years now. I am keeping everything in balance while maintaining what I have earned years ago.
~fin~
It was one summer evening when she asked me to go overnight at their family owned resort in Magallanes. Later before that, my "lessy" friends as I called them were teasing us while clueless of what is really going on. It felt awkward when at the very first time she looked at my eyes with so much emotions. Facing at me while her arms clung trying to figure out what to spit out of her mouth. I just burst into laughters to escape from that of like sentenced criminal situation.
Next thing we know, we found ourselves sitting next to the waves underneath the gloomy night sharing a glass of wine. It was a different excitement after touching her lips for the very first time. As if the world means so much to us and nothing or no one could break us apart.
Months had passed, I had to leave her because I had to do my practicum. I became so tied up not having enough of our time. Our closeness starts to tear apart while she was also acting differently. Every second that we spent time together was purely exchange of unpleasant words.
I started to become conscious of my figure when she was starting to tease my "siopao" face. It weren't a big deal before but as she kept on repeating it straight to my face. It seems that I am stabbed with a bunch of dagger at once! I skipped meals then, trying to fool myself with so many things just to suppress my hunger. I do take straight meals though but after my stomach is full I became guilty and stroke it using my hands or while brushing my teeth just to let the waste out.
I started to feel very insecure of myself. I lost my confidence and became bitter to every girls with great body. For me, being thin is the most vital thing on earth! It means your worth, it means your sense of belongingness, it means acceptance of her love.. But everything I did was nothing! Exercise, emotional turmoil, hunger, resulted nothing! We got separated...
Trying to move on from a heart-breaking-relationship while loosing my best friend at the same time was so much for me to take. I did not stop searching the cure of my problem until my friend during my call center training days introduced me this herbal medicine called Zhen de shou. A fat loss capsule from China that is taken orally once a day and 10-15 minutes before breakfast.
I religiously took the medicine for 2 months and cut the intake when I got my desired weight at 45. For me it was totally effective! I can wear what I want and built my confidence back but not her...
They say, once you broke a mirror it can never be waived to pieces again. I say, why settle for that mirror when it was already broken? Find and replace another mirror to start a new life!It's almost 6 years now being sick and sometimes anorexic. I can't help the feeling of being afraid to be back of my old body. But yes, maybe slim and slender is fancy and ideal in this foolish world. But to have a healthy body, away from sickness, is something more important than the fancy clothes we wear.
How much you weight will no longer matter once you see yourself diagnosed in the hospital so I am trying to commit on living a healthy life now. I am not taking the slimming pill for almost 5 years now. I am keeping everything in balance while maintaining what I have earned years ago.
~fin~
